wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Randomize
