i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
