I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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