god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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