i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
