Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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