dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
