Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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