I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
your room smells of hookers.
And success
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
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