In the future we'll all be gay
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
