I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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