you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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