wat bout pragnant strippers??
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
