also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
