Apparently you make a good broom.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize