hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize