I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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