I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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