I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
