omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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