smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
