Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
