How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Randomize
