how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
