I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
