I CAN MOONWALK!
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
At least life still wants to fuck me.
We are all done wearing pants today
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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