literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize