You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Randomize