i need an iv and a liver transplant
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
