So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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