Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
