We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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