I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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