I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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