I'd wear matching sweaters with you
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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