i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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