Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize