I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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