when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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