She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
