your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
