Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Randomize
