A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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