he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
