I am puke
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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