I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
