yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
