And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
i already hear my dad disowning me
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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