I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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