there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
