i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
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