We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
not ubering you a puppy
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
