Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
