so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
