when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
