he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize