Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Randomize
