mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize