i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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