oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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