you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Sext me about skeletons
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize