i need an iv and a liver transplant
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Randomize
