i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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