i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize