And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
