good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
