see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
