Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
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