people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Randomize
