i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
