I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
