How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
