Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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