I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
