So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
