you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Randomize
