weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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