if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
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